Toning the Advocacy Muscle
A personal share from Humble Haven’s founder, Suzanne Burns
I want to share something I’m not proud of…
A couple of years ago I was on a call with a business mentor of mine. We were talking about life and business and navigating tough situations and scenarios. And, while describing something that happened to them, my mentor used the R-word.
My stomach dropped.
As stated in this article posted by Special Olympics, “The R-word is a form of hate speech that stands for “retard,""retarded,” or other offensive words ending in “-tard.” While “mental retardation” was originally introduced as a medical term in 1961 for people with intellectual disabilities, in the decades since, the term has become an insult used all too commonly in everyday language.” You will also often hear it referred to now as an R-slur.
I would be lying if I said I never used the R-word in my lifetime because I have…when I was younger, less educated, less aware, and didn’t know any better. In that moment on the phone with my mentor, not only did I know better, I also realized I owed it to my daughter who has a disability to speak up and ask that the word not be used in my presence or ever. Instead, in that moment I said nothing.
Flash back to 2009 when my husband and I first started dating. We were at the movies, sharing a jug of popcorn, and watching the previews. I can’t tell you the exact preview that played, but I do remember when it was finished, I leaned over and described the movie using the R-word. Steve kindly looked back at me and said, “if we are going to keep spending time together, you can’t use that word.”
My stomach dropped. I was so embarrassed.
“What change do you want to see? With ahimsa as your guide, what is your next step for advocating for that change? ”
At the time Steve had been volunteering for the Special Olympics as a coach for many years. He had spent time with and become a part of the special needs community in our city. He knew the negative effects that the R-word had on members of his community and he was doing me a favor by sharing with me a better way of speaking or rather, not speaking, going forward.
I could argue that my intention of using the R-word to describe the movie premiere was not bad, but the impact my words had on another person were. In the practice of yoga there’s something called the 8 limbs which could be described as 8 guiding principles. The first limb is the Yamas which include 5 ethical guidelines to follow. The first Yama is Ahimsa which means to do no harm. When I think of moments when my intention was good but the impact was the opposite, I think of Ahimsa because to live in a way that does the least amount of harm we can expect to continuously have to shift, grow, and change based on the information that is available to us.
Do I think I am a bad person for having used the R-word in the past? No, because I listened to its effect on another person and made a change.
Does it make my stomach hurt and my face cringe when I think about how I was once so careless in using that word? Yes.
And, yet, later on when I found myself in Steve’s shoes with someone that I had long looked up to, I didn’t advocate for removing the R-word from our conversation and their vocabulary going forward.
I think of advocacy like a muscle. The more we exercise and nourish a muscle, the stronger and more comfortable we get using it. The road to getting stronger and more comfortable usually entails some exhausting and uncomfortable moments, but just like anything else we practice, if we keep at it there will be moments of triumph and ease.
Advocating for what needs to be changed for the sake of a more equitable world will require leaning into moments of discomfort instead of shying away. When I find myself asking, should I speak up? I can let the practice of Ahimsa be the guide and advocate for a way that does the least amount of harm. In that moment with my mentor, sharing the impacts of the R-word with one person could have meant one less person using a slur that negatively impacts an entire community of people.
Wikipedia defines advocacy as, “an activity by an individual or group that aims to influence decisions within political, economic, and social institutions.” It is ongoing work that requires perseverance and detachment, in both relationship and action with others and in relationship and action with ourselves. Being an advocate asks us to keep going even when we don't get it “right” which at the same time is asking us to detach from the need to get it “right” in the first place.
Learning to advocate for my daughter has made me ask myself - what other change do I want to see in my community? What relationships can be fostered and information gathered to start strengthening my ability to advocate for that change? And, what might I need to let go of or detach from in order to truly step into the role of an advocate for change?
What change do you want to see? With ahimsa as your guide, what is your next step for advocating for that change?
How to get started at Humble Haven Yoga
All of our classes are formatted to be accessible to all practitioners, and our teachers are equipped to offer modifications and amplifications for every pose to help meet you where you are each day. We often suggest that those who are new to vinyasa-style or new to heated yoga try our Power Down or Hamstrings+Hips+Spine offerings first, but encourage you to try each of our various class styles. Please reach out if you have any questions. We hope to see you soon!
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